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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589741">You're not the same</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnfighter07/pseuds/Dawnfighter07'>Dawnfighter07</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Welcome aboard the pain train! [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Guns, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Suicide, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:00:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,900</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29589741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnfighter07/pseuds/Dawnfighter07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a part of the Warrior Unit is one of the best things that can happen to an Eldian, and when you and your childhood crush Reiner Braun were chosen to be apart of it you couldn’t be more excited, even if you weren’t chosen to inherit a titan you were still a very strong solider and you watched over some new candidates. When Reiner went to Paradis you knew that you had the chance to see him again but when he came home, alone mind you, you had no idea how much he had changed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Reiner Braun/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Welcome aboard the pain train! [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You're not the same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When you got the news that Reiner was home your heart couldn’t stop beating out of your chest, you stopped at every bakery you could get to him all of his favorite foods, he hasn’t been home in so long and you wanted to treat him. </p><p>“Ah Y/N! Good to see you. Come to get all of Vice Commanders favorite snacks?” The owner smiles at you packing up what she already knows he likes. </p><p>“Yes ma’am! I’m so happy he is finally home. It has been so long since I’ve seen him.” You could feel the blush on your face, it had been so many years without seeing the cute little blonde boy that was even too shy to say hello to you. </p><p>She handed you the bag as you paid her. “He’s not that shy little boy anymore, he’s so handsome now.” </p><p>“In my opinion he has always been handsome. With me being so busy all the time I haven’t even had the chance to see him for the month he has been back.” You tucked the bag under your arm. </p><p>“Speaking of, how are the children you are watching?” It’s not that you didn’t want to talk, you did, but your mind was only preoccupied with seeing Reiner. </p><p>“They are great, but I really should go. I promised the Braun's I would be by soon.” You smiled shuffling your way to the door. “See you later!” </p><p>She kept trying to talk to you but you were gone. Thank god. You pushed your way through the crowd of people, you knew the way to his house like it was the back of your hand. You ducked into an alleyway to take a shortcut. </p><p>You had walked this way so many times before, mostly in the dark coming home from training, you could do it blindfolded. Once you got out of the alley you were in front of their home. You could hear your heart beating in your chest as you knocked on the door. </p><p>After a minute or two his mother opened the door. "Ah well if it isn't Y/N. What brings you here?" </p><p>You smiled at her, she knew but she wanted to hear you say it. "Is Reiner home by chance?" </p><p>"I'm sorry but no he is not, he is at the Warriors headquarters. Better hurry now, I think he's been itching to see you." She gave you a playful wink. </p><p>You pushed some hair behind your ear and handed her a bag of goodies. "Before I forget I bought these for the family. Have a great day!" You turned around and ran off to HQ. Why didn't you check there first? He was probably checking on Gabi and the others. </p><p>Once you arrived, you saw the children running, their heavy packs looked so big on their small bodies but that was to be expected of course, you looked the same at their age too. </p><p>You waved to them as you walked inside. "Oh Commander, good morning." There stood the tall blonde man, you didn't know him very well but well enough to hold a conversation.</p><p>"Good morning." He gave you his normal smile, you could only assume it was faked given the look he had on his face before you spoke. "I see you have some treats for us?" He raised his eyebrow expectedly. </p><p>"Sorry Commander, not enough to share." You shrugged teasingly, there was enough to share obviously but not with everyone. </p><p>"Such a shame. Well if you're looking for Vice Commander Braun he is in his office." He pointed behind him with a genuine smile. </p><p>You bowed a bit and took off down the hallway. Your brain and heart worked at a thousand miles per hour. You had obviously been briefed on what happened on Paradis Island, your friends were either dead or captured. This was the life of an Eldian, you suppose. </p><p>The closer you got to his door the more your heart raced. How much had he changed? The bakery owner said he's so handsome now, though you did not doubt it you still questioned it. Did he finally grow big and strong like he wanted? Were his beautiful hazel eyes the same? After seeing so much death and suffering you could only imagine how dull they must have gotten. </p><p>You got to his door, taking a deep breath through your nose you got the courage to knock. "Vice Commander Braun? It's me, Y/N remember?" You knew he might be busy so you waited a few minutes before you knocked again. "Reiner are you there?" </p><p>You absent-mindedly started to chew on your bottom lip nervously. He could be very busy with meetings but he would have said something through the door right. With a shaking hand you tried the doorknob, it was locked. Not right at all. </p><p>"Reiner, please just say something." Your voice was weak as you spoke, panic raising in your chest. You listened to see if you could hear him shuffle around. </p><p>When you didn't hear anything your body threw itself into panicked mode. You were strong yeah, not to toot your own horn but you don't really get into and stay in the Warrior program without inheriting a titan if you weren't. You grabbed the door handle and worked on it for a moment before you could feel the wood around the locking mechanism break. You pushed the door open and the sight in front of you would give you nightmares for the rest of your life. </p><p>There he sat in the middle of the room on a chair, nothing surrounding him except his jacket on the floor, with a rifle in his mouth. </p><p>You dropped the bag of snacks, you slammed the door shut as you rushed over to him, this was going to be a fight of strength, to which he would absolutely have the upperhand to but still. </p><p>You grabbed the barrel of the gun and yanked it out of his mouth, his eyes never left your face as he struggled against your force. You refused to meet his eyes as you started fighting over the gun. </p><p>You had managed to pull it back hard enough that he went flying from his chair giving you the advantage. You twisted the rifle in his hands in an attempt to make him let it go back. You suddenly felt a force hit you in the stomach that sent you flying back letting the gun go. </p><p>Your eyes met his as you whipped some spit from your mouth due to the punch. He looked scared of you, and honestly, good he should be scared. </p><p>You stood up from where you had fallen, you could feel the tears stinging your eyes. "We can keep fighting, or you can give me the gun." </p><p>"Fighting it is then." You watched his knuckles turn white as he gripped the barrel. Fine. </p><p>He hadn't been home in years, he had no idea how you had changed your body, how you trained to take down your opponents. He, wisely, took the defense option. </p><p>You charged at him, you watched as his eyes widened, you were faster than he remembered and it took him off guard. You quickly kicked at him and landed your shin into his side. You watched for a moment as he stumbled, trying to keep his footing. Now was the time to strike. </p><p>You swept your leg under his feet and watched him fall, his hands finally let go of the gun, which you caught and kept this time. You placed your foot on his chest to keep him from getting up.</p><p>"Reiner Braun, explain to me right now what the hell is going on with you." You choked back a sob, you had never seen him like this but you supposed it made sense, he was always the child that thought with his heart. So desperate to make things happen and please his peers. </p><p>He looked away from you refusing to talk. What the hell changed him? </p><p>"I just want to help you!" You tried to keep your voice down but it was getting difficult. "Please." </p><p>"I'm beyond help Y/N. You don't know what happened back there. What I did back there." He didn't cry, but you could tell that he wanted to. </p><p>"Then tell me what happened! I can help you!" You couldn't stop your tears now, they flowed freely down your face as you stood there shaking. </p><p>"Just let me die Y/N, you can be the one who inherits my titan. You could live out your dream." </p><p>Is he fucking stupid? He knew what you wanted, you told him before he left. You wanted him, you wanted to live out the rest of his years with him. You wanted to keep his bed warm, you wanted to cook for him, you just wanted to be with him for as many years as he had left. </p><p>"Living out my dream is having you by my side, you idiot! I told you this, or did you forget that when you left?" You tried to bite back your anger but it just came out angrier. ”Now, stop being an idiot and tell me!” </p><p>You allowed him to sit up a bit so he could stare you in the eyes and tell you exactly what happened, he told what you already knew, and a lot that you didn’t know. “I let Bertolt die, I was too much of a coward and now they have the Colossal Titan and it’s all my fault.” </p><p>You didn’t want to believe him, yeah the warrior unit was not kind to him and everyone knew that he got a Titan because of Marcel to protect Pock, a lot of good that did. “Reiner, you did all you could.” </p><p>“No I didn’t! I let so many people die and now I want to die with them.” He laid back down on the floor and stared at the ceiling. </p><p>Who had he become? This was not the same little boy you had fallen in love with, he wasn’t the same Reiner Braun you would love to pick a fight with because he was too scared to actually hit you. This wasn’t the same Reiner who you heard stories about in the month he had been home. </p><p>He was weak, scared, and useless in other people's eyes. You still wanted to see him as the strong little boy that you had hopelessly fallen for, but you wavered in your judgment. You wanted to see him as perfect, as the perfect Eldian and honorary Marleyan that you wanted to be, and yet here he was wanting to throw it all away because he did his mission. </p><p>“Reiner, what have you become? This isn’t you!” You bit back those feelings, you couldn’t think those about him. For the most part, the mission was a success, he did exactly what he was ordered to do and now he was a hero. Not a widely loved one like Zeke but still. </p><p>“I’m a coward Y/N, that is what I am. A coward and a failure that isn’t deserving of love.” His beautiful eyes fell on your face. </p><p>“You’re an idiot Reiner.” You dropped to your knees and hugged him as tightly as possible. You tried to swallow your feelings, trying to ignore how you internally felt about him.</p>
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